My thoughts have been dominated by the question of what it means to forgive and how does a person forgive after something hurtful has been done. I know that most people have had personal experience with this in there lives, each one of us could list pages of times when a family member a friend or a co-worker has said or done something that has been hurtful. I know I have witnessed things being said and done to people that I know and love and I have wondered how anyone could get past that! I am experiencing something right now that has brought this question right to the front of the mind and caused me to question what I thought I knew about forgiveness.
I want to tell a story about my Dad. My Dad is a Hero to me in so many ways,most of which I'm sure he knows nothing about. I remember once when I was in Jr high school my Dad had a disagreement with a guy he was working with it was over money or something, but I remember my Dad walking away from the situation in an effort to save a relationship and show forgiveness. I remember felling mad at my Dad for just walking away, for not standing in there and fighting for what was his. I know that I was young and really didn't have the whole story nor did I really know the circumstances but my feelings were real. Another story about my Dad was told to me by him and my Mom and older brothers, it somewhat of a legend about my Dad. When he was younger him and a Friend Teamed up and formed a company that produced and sold a concrete additive chemical. My Dad had come up with the formula while working with his Dad and Grandpa at the Family Batch plant in Cove Utah. He asked his friend to help him with the business idea, which he did. I don,t know the story of what happened with that business all I know is that it turned bad. It got to the point that there friendship was being damaged and damaged badly. The decision was made to take it to the church priesthood leadership and ask them to act as arbiters in the situation. The meeting with the church happened and it was determined that my Dad was right, but his friend was unwilling to accept the decision that was made and said he was going to take it to court. My Dad for reasons that are hard for me to understand decided to sell his portion of the company to his friend for one dollar. This company went on to make millions. When I was young it would make me mad to know my Dad passed up millions for the sake of forgiveness and reconciliation.
So here I am today, a grown man and someone that has been taught the gospel and the importance of forgiveness but I still struggle with it. I have a hard time letting things go. My Dad says that is why he calls me a bani rooster (what ever that is?) because I always rise to challenge anyone and anything in front of me. At times this has caused a lot more heartache and despair but for some reason I still do it no matter the cost. Why is that I have such a hard time forgiving those that have wronged me or should I say those that I perceived to have wronged me. The Savior said in D&C 64;10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. and in D&C 82: 1 Verily, verily, I say unto you, my servants, that inasmuch as you have forgiven one another your trespasses, even so I, the Lord, forgive you.
Right now today I am struggling with forgiveness. I want to forgive and I know it is something that I have to do but when someone does something to me or to my wife something inside of me wants to stand and fight. Here's the skinny I have sinned many times in my life and have offended many more then I would want any of you guys to know and I also know that I have been forgiven many times. My Savior loves me enough to take all the dumb things that I have done upon himself and I am eternally grateful. How Do I learn to Be like my Savior and just forgive and even better how do I show an increase of love after I have forgiven. I am a work in progress, I have a long way to go and the reason I put this out there is to first of all let you guys in on some the things that I think about and also to learn. I could really use help right now. I love my Savior and I want to do his will I think I just need some help.
2 years ago